You’re such a good listener” & “You should be a therapist” are words I’ve heard many times before.
As are “Don’t take things so personally” and “You’re too emotional.“
These are phrases often said to a highly sensitive person.
Being highly sensitive is still misunderstood. When people call someone sensitive, it is often said with the wrong meaning and intention behind it. The word sensitive has held negative connotations in our society for a long time: like being considered weak, too emotional, or being someone that is overreacting.
But that’s not what sensitivity is.
Being highly sensitive is a personality trait whereby certain people absorb and sense more information in their environments than others do. It is studied in psychology, and Psychologist Elaine Aaron first coined the term ‘High Sensitivity’ in 1996. Since then, more and more people have been understanding and respecting high sensitivity as a trait that makes people unique and gifted.
Highly sensitive people make up roughly 25% of the population, and it shows up in various different ways for different people. I am highly sensitive, and it manifests for me in many ways. Such as, feeling things very deeply, and being able to absorb patterns of information that aren’t apparent to others. Being highly sensitive also feels like living with the volume of life turned up. And whilst being around beauty, art, nature and connection, this is an incredible gift, it also comes with its challenges.
One of the main challenges for me is how empathetic I am. I have often felt like I pick up on information in my environment more than other people. And I frequently notice unspoken and subconscious behaviours from individuals. This often leaves me feeling like I know what is going on for people, long before they’ve said anything, or before it has been brought to their awareness.
Having high levels of empathy is a highly sensitive trait. And being able to read people so easily can feel like a lot to carry at times. Being constantly absorbed in experiences, thoughts and feelings of others on a frequent basis, can mean that it is easy to lose yourself along the way.
If I spend too much time around large groups of people, especially people that demand a lot from me, I get exhausted, snappy, and burnt out. And it is easy when you’re so empathetic, and wanting to be kind to others, to start feeling disconnected from your own experiences. In fact, in the past I have often found myself giving way too much to others, because I ‘understood’ them so much.
And so, to prevent this from happening now, I am very mindful of implementing strong boundaries to protect my time and energy. I am still constantly learning about myself and what it means to be highly sensitive. But I have already learnt so much about protecting my sense of self.
And so I want to share some of this knowledge with you today. Here are some key bits of information and habits which I have acquired over the years that have helped me to stay in tune with myself.
First of all
Environment Matters. A lot.
This is a recent lesson for me, but when I am in the wrong environment, it massively affects me. Whether that is because of the work that’s expected from me, the pace at which people are moving, or the people that I have been surrounded by. It all matters.
The lighting and sound of a space is also huge for me. I can quickly become very stressed from overwhelming sounds, or if the music isn’t fitting the energy in the room. And I am always happy if I’m listening to my favourite music, or I’m in a quiet space/in nature.
And I think this is applicable to everyone, but for highly sensitive people, it is especially important. I feel most like myself when I am in a quiet space.
I’m still figuring out which environment I will thrive in, but do not forget this tip.
‘Plants that grow beautifully at sea level often perish if they’re taken ten thousand feet up the mountain.’ – Richard N. Bolles
Number Two
Alone/quiet time
Having alone time, or a quiet space to go to, and not being ashamed to say you need that time is so important.
When I was younger I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to always be social, and to say yes to social events constantly. But these days I am happy to say no because my alone time is so important to me. Without it, I will not be the best version of myself.
Number three
Boundaries
You are not everyone’s therapist. I can not stress this enough. I could not count the number of times that people have come to me to tell me their problems.
This is because I’m good at listening, I’m in tune with people’s emotions, and I have a kind heart. It is all part of my sensitive and empathetic nature.
A lot of the time I love to support my friends, or other people that need it, if I have the capacity for it, and I want to do it. But there are also times when I find that people take advantage of my gifts and overstep the mark. When this happens I implement boundaries. And I do this by cutting conversations short, walking away, or stating that I don’t have the capacity or energy for the conversation. It is important not to give too much just because you can. Put yourself first.
Another strong boundary I implement is removing myself from people that say, or imply ‘you’re too emotional’, or ‘you feel too much!’. Never, ever, apologise for being who you are and what you feel. In fact, when I come across people like that now, after the anger wears off, I just feel bad for them. At the end of the day it would be sad to not be able to feel and experience the beauty of life in the same way that I do. And I wouldn’t change my sensitivity for the world.
Every day tools
Exercise
As well as having quiet time, things that keep me happy and sane are regular forms of exercise. At the moment it is running, but I used to practice a lot of yoga, and I love dancing. I prefer doing these things alone most of the time, as it’s valuable to have time to connect to myself.
Journaling
Journaling is a really insightful tool for understanding yourself more. The best way to do it I have found is to write freely, letting out an unconscious stream of thought. And after some weeks have passed, go over your journal pages and highlight the things that need action, or are insightful. This is one of the best tools I have adopted recently from partaking in ‘The Artist’s Way’ course. It can be a life changing tool, if you let it be.
Meditation
I recommend using a channel on Youtube for ten minutes of meditation a day if you can. I don’t always manage this, in fact I rarely do at the moment, but it’s important not to beat yourself up if you don’t practice. I also listen to meditations specifically for sleeping. I have been doing this a lot lately, and Mindful Movement is my go to meditation channel.
Mindful art
I love the sky. And taking photos of the sky and flowers brings me joy.
Being in a state of wonder whilst doing this helps me to empty my mind. Whilst simultaneously reminding me of the beauty in the world, and how amazing it is to be sensitive enough to notice it.
Lastly, I want to finish with a quote by author Glennon Doyle on sensitivity.
“Sensitive isn’t an insult. It means ‘able to sense’. The opposite of sensitive is not strong – it’s insensitive.”
So be proud of who you are. Not everyone gets to feel, notice and experience life like you do.
You have a gift. x
Agate Amara 